Sounds that are punching my soul in the face.

I keep an archive of songs that incite significant emotional reactions in me. Songs that I listen to when I’m feeling nostalgic or sad… or uninspired. It’s a list that I truly cherish and hope to some day share with someone I love and trust. I only add songs to this list that are true stand-outs to me; music I know I will cherish for years to come. Music is such a valuable currency to me – something that’s a true gift to give or receive.

I decided to post a few songs that have really measured up in the past few weeks. A few pieces of gold from the safe. Songs that have gotten me through the hard times and have given me inspiration to keep on trucking. I hope someone sees this, and gives them a chance. I’m certainly glad I did.

Royal Teeth – Heartbeats (Knife Cover)

Aqualung – Easier to Lie

NLX – Find Love

Jònsi – Tornado

Foo Fighters – Home

Joss Stone – Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye

Ed Sheeran – The Parting Glass

Summertime… and the living is ratchet.

Pretty much always in my normal living of life, I like to keep several events or happenings in the back of my head than I can look forward to. Having something to look forward to, helps one get through the dull and mundane tasks of daily adult living. Perhaps it’s a sad coping mechanism that is only temporarily disguising the fact that I’m a cynical, sad person who needs mental attention and assistance. Perhaps it’s just a way to survive. And with the awesome events I’ve lined up for this summer, SURVIVE I SHALL.

Here’s what I’ve got to look forward to, for Spring/Summer 2013:

Capital Funk Showcase 2013
We’re at it again. My favorite time of year – nice weather, loud music and an overdose of twerking.

JAY BRANNAN
The man of my dreams, in concert at the Rock & Roll Hotel on April 29th.



The Lakehouse
Staring Keanue Reeves and Sandra Bullock – only a bunch of ratchet ass bitches instead.

last year:

this year:

If this house and hot tub are left standing – I will consider my work unfinished.

ROAD TRIP HOME / JULY 4
I go home every year for forth of July festivities with my family. It’s a lovely yet lonesome road trip followed by a weekend of bbqing, swimming, drinking and occasional fist fights with my brothers. Police presence: VERY LIKELY.

Outdoor Movies in DC
If you live in DC and haven’t done this, you’re an asshat. It’s gorgeous in the evenings, and outdoor movies are perfect for a group of friends, a romantic date, or some alone time with you and a bottle of Pinot Noir. Relaxing. Entertaining. Shaming. Perfect.

SO… it’s looking to be a good summer. If I can somehow manage to get into decent shape, and have sex at least twice – I will consider it to be the most successful summer of my existence. I won’t hold my breath.

Person of the Week!

P E R S O N   O F   T H E   W E E K ! ! !

Oliver Sim

Oliver at a Glance:

– Leader singer of The xx

– Lips to die for

– Voice of God

– Super hot English accent

– Awkward turtle

This: 

Person of the Week!

I decided to do a weekly entry, highlighting a person who has inspired me in some way. Only the freshest, coolest of people will be featured. I’ll aim to focus on people who are original, funny, positive and have enhanced the life of both myself and the people around me.

P E R S O N   O F   T H E   W E E K :

Mindy Kaling

If you’re not watching the comedy “The Mindy Project” on FOX, then you suck. If you care at all about breaking stereotypes for women/people of COLOR in comedy then you should feel obligated to tune in. The good news is, it’s actually hilarious.

I first heard about Mindy, was when she was writing for The Office. I never really got into The Office but I was intrigued to know that a sassy indian girl was garnering huge success as writer – super awesome. Then, my friend Ben recommended her book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? I found the book to be hilarious, insightful and also eerily similar to how my own autobiographical piece would read. And now, the Mindy Project. A show where her neurosis and quirkiness will make you fall in love with her, while simultaneously peeing your pants. I’m also a big fan of any girl who owns the SHIT out of her curves and realizes that they are hot pieces of ass. Mindy is witty, sexy and her energy is amazing which is why she is my pick for PERSON OF THE WEEK!

Here’s this…

You’re welcome.

B

I am so single.

In light of the Prop 8 and DOMA Supreme Court hearings, I thought it would be fun to post something outrageously gay. So, for this post, I am going to discuss fictional characters from television shows that I would most like to gay marry. This is easier to do than choosing real-life people I know who would  make good husbands. Let’s be honest, if I knew anyone who I thought would make a good hubby – I’d already be sleeping with them. Or they wouldn’t be interested in me at all. Such is life.

These characters aren’t even all gay. Which makes this post even more pathetic. I might go out and buy some cats after I finish.

SO, here they are – ordered by preference.

#5  Glenn Rhee, The Walking Dead

Glenn plays an introverted good-guy turned confident bad ass on The Walking Dead. He cares for his girlfriend Maggie with understanding and a fiercely unwavering protection. He’s not afraid to stab bitches right in the face, but he’s also a traditional romantic at heart. He even steals a wedding ring off a zombie lady’s finger to give to Maggie, not only as an illustration of  his dedication – but also as a nod to times when things were normal and romance and chivalry mattered. Bottom line is, I want someone who is traditional and treats me like a princess, but is also bold enough to decapitate anyone who tries to eat my face.

#4 David Sawyer, The New Normal

David plays one-half of the ultimate power gay couple. He’s the classic “I’m completely and totally straight accept for the fact that I really dig wiener” kind of  guy and I find that to be (shamefully) attractive. He’s a little rough around the edges. The kind of guy who is totally ready to wine and dine you after an evening of football, beer drinking and ball-scratching. But he’s a gentleman. He puts his partner’s needs before his own and always makes sure that he fees like this great big world is lucky to have him. That’s the guy I want to come home to every night.

#3  Scotty Wandell, Brothers and Sisters

Okay, I know this show has been off the air for a few years, but this character will always be one of my favorites. Scotty Wandell, the eventual husband of main-character Kevin Walker, starts out as an overly-confident and flamboyant borderline twink. But through the seasons he evolves into an incredibly mature, thoughtful and steadfast partner. He and Kevin endure some pretty intense things (both realistic and not) and his actions and decisions are always overcome by his kindness and loving nature.  This character is entirely brought to life by actor Luke MacFarlane, who’s adorable smirks, hopelessly romantic eyes and striking presence make you wish for a boyfriend even half as perfect as he. And by “you”,  I mean me. I wish for that.

#2 Daryl Dixon – The Walking Dead

This pick, paired with #5, kind of make me think that I’m not going to find a man unless the world is destroyed and overrun with flesh eating zombies. I have a crush on Daryl Dixon for the same reasons every other fan of the show does – genuine goodness masked by mystery, sweat and a strangely sexy lesbian haircut. It’s also attractive that he’s said “fuck you” to his redneck roots and decided to be a better person. I feel like Daryl would be strong, loyal and protective as a boyfriend- but would also totally be into slapping you around in the bedroom. #hugeplus #prisonsex #darylDICKson

#1 Ben Wyatt, Parks and Recreation

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am essentially the same person as Leslie Knope (Minus the breasts, pant-suits and comedic timing). My idea of a perfect guy is one who supports my every insane notion and decision, but still keeps me grounded. A guy who will make sacrifices for me, without sacrificing himself. A guy who pretends to love a miniature horse as much I do. A guy who punches any jerk who calls me a bitch. A guy who waltzes around the apartment in his “Letters to Cleo” t-shirt, experimenting with different types of low-cal calzones and creating Avatar-adjacent claymation projects. Ben Wyatt is the perfect man. And one day, he will be mine:

28

Yesterday, I turned 28 years old. 28 years old.

Holy shit.

I didn’t really expect to celebrate, or really even to acknowledge this day. It’s such a struggle for me to accept and embrace the fact that I am this age – and that I’m getting older every day. I hate the idea of being a cynic, but I can’t deny the fact that a cynic is exactly what I am. I dread my birthdays. It’s a day where I reflect, and convince myself that I haven’t accomplished enough. That I’m single and I shouldn’t be. That I’m broke and I shouldn’t be. Who wants to celebrate a day that just throws all that in their face?

But then things happen.

Things like a crazy night out on the town and shots with people you love. Like a formal birthday dinner by candlelight with people who inspire you. Like four friends sitting in a bed, playing games, watching scary movies and throwing back cocktails to the soundtrack of raucous laughter. Or a surprise party, where a massive group of people turn up to make sure that today – you realize how much you’re really loved.

This weekend was overwhelming in the most positive way possible and there is little I can do to thank the people who made it so special for me. Sitting here reflecting on it, I forget about all the missed opportunities and chances not taken in my adulthood… and instead focus on the fact that I’m surrounded by people who make me incredibly proud. People who made sure that I took the time out to celebrate myself – to let go of my cares and be young and alive. I’m so grateful for my friends and my family, for being shining beacons of light in the occasional darkness. I love you all and everything you do to ensure me that I’m living this life exactly the way I should be.

This dog who just CAN’T handle LIFE right now because everything is happening so much.

Photo credit: buzzfeed via Josef Lorentz

I am this dog. 

I’m trying my best to keep my mouth shut and not start huge social media fights within my family, but I cannot emphasize how incredibly difficult it is to be the only liberal in the bunch. I’m berated with anti-Obama, pro-gun, anti-abortion, anti-gay posts and it makes anger course through me like poison. I’ve got this internal battle of trying to decide where my obligations lie as a family member, what the moral implications of choosing to cut people OUT of my life are and whether or not there is a balance that won’t make me want to hurl my computer across the room. My family (sans a few sticks-in-the-mud) has really come around on gay issues via their exposure to it (me) and first-hand experiences since my coming out. Perhaps if I get shot they’ll start to loosen up their uber conservative views on guns. Does anyone have an assault rifle I can borrow? 

Quick clarification/Just for fun: I’m not certain of where I stand on newly proposed anti-gun legislation. More compelling to me is finding solutions that impact/improve criminal behavior on a broader scale. I do, however, think that owning a gun changes a person and what their initial responses to threats are – in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

Big shout out to my awesome staff who made me feel so much better yesterday after I momentarily lost faith in humanity. 

Also, check back later for a post about a birthday card I got in the mail yesterday, that I’m pretty sure was sent to me solely as a passive aggressive insult. From someone I love very much. FML. 

Coverboy: Brad

Putting the “Chocolate” in White Chocolate

Brad bounced around to several Midwest and Northeast states growing up, which partially accounts for his spastic personality, charmingly neurotic demeanor and his cultural promiscuity. To escape small town America and experience the world, Brad fled the sticks of upstate New York and made his way to Washington DC.  When he’s not on the 9-5 grind at the American Psychological Association’s division SPSSI, he’s high-kickin, twerkin and dropping it low with his dance team Capital Funk. If you’re looking to spot Brad out on the town – you’ll typically find him at Camelot on Sundays, Stadium on Mondays and dancing for change outside the Verizon center every other night of the week.

Coverboy: Brad

(Photo by Jimmy Page)

What’s on your nightstand?
I don’t have one because I live in a shoebox.

What’s in your nightstand drawer? 
The only thing that qualifies as my night-stand is my sock drawer. It holds various types of socks.

What are your television favorites?
Parks and Recreation, Walking Dead, Girls, Army Wives. (one of these is a joke) 

What was your favorite cartoon when you were a kid?
I was never a kid. But I remember being obsessed with Xena in the 90’s. Does that count?

What superhero would you be? 
Night-Crawler. He can teleport, which would save me the trouble of having to fly coach.

Who’s your greatest influence?
The people who have influenced me the most in my life are my friends. They’ve open my eyes to things I never would’ve seen without them – and they’ve been key players in helping me become the hot fucking mess I am today.

What’s your greatest fear?
Unreasonable Fear: Being in the Lincoln tunnel when a tidal wave hits NYC.
Reasonable Fear: Aging. I know it sounds terrible – but I’m a person who thinks about getting old and losing control. Bowel control. I’m also terrified of Steven Hawking.

Pick three people, living or dead, who you think would make the most fascinating dinner guests imaginable.
I’d have the best time with Amy Poehler, Tina Fey and Kristen Wiig.

What would you serve?
An open bar.

How would you describe your dream guy?
Outstandingly hilarious. Unknowingly adorable. Inadvertently kind. Hung like a mule.

Define good in bed.
It should be good for different reasons, every single time. Not monotonous – not just for the sake of boning. Sometimes it should be passionate and out-of-body, sometimes ravenous and animalistic and then other times … by yourself.

Who should star in a movie about your life?
Sally Field. She doesn’t resemble me, but that bitch knows how to commit to a character.

Who was your first celebrity crush?
Robert Ri’chard from Cousin Skeeter on Nickelodeon. Josh Server from All That.

Who gets on your nerves? 
Myself. Closeted Homophobes. Drunk sorority girls in Georgetown. The right.

If your home was burning, what’s the first thing you’d grab while leaving?
It’s a toss up – either my dog, or my book of quotes. The quote book can’t keep my junk warm at night, though.

What’s your biggest turn-on?
Wit. Dark features.

What’s your biggest turn-off?
Gross hands and feet. Keep it cute, boys.

What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet tried?
Spend several weeks in an Ashram in Nepal.

What’s something you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
Dating an asexual man. Going to a tanning bed. Pretending to be straight.

Boxers, briefs or other?
Mostly boxer briefs, but I’ve bought a couple pairs of briefs recently. They look good but they feel like sterility.

Who’s your favorite musical artist? 
The one artist I’ve been listening to since I was a tiny tot is Janet Jackson. She also inspired my passion for dance.
Honorable mentions: Jay Brannan, Mika, Lauryn Hill

What’s your favorite website?
http://mylifethroughkristenwiig.tumblr.com/

What’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex? 
In the butt.

What position do you play in the big baseball game of life?
If I weren’t constantly benched, I’d be playing them all.

What’s your favorite retail store – that you don’t work at?
William Sanoma

What’s the most you’ll spend on a haircut?
$60 if it includes champagne and a happy ending.

What about on shoes?
100~200 for customs or limited editions.

What’s your favorite food to splurge with?
I love going to an Indian restaurant and ordering 10 things off the menu. Best vegetarian food ever.

What’s your favorite season?
Winter. It’s romantic and cozy and you can layer. In the summer, everyone is always swampy and dank-smelling.

What kind of animal would you be?
A slow loris. Living in a tree, hanging out all day… being all slow and just enjoying life while my habitat is destroyed by humanity.

What kind of plant would you be?
A weeping willow.

What kind of car would you be?
A hybrid Prius.

What are you most grateful for?
My voracious desire to meet new people, learn new things and experience as much as possible.
My family and friends.
My health.

What’s something you want more of?
International travel. Sex. LOVE.

State your life philosophy in 10 words or less.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying”

My mother, my hero.

The quote in my last entry really got me thinking about individuals who truly MATTER to me – people who are enhancing my life and making a lasting and positive impact on me. Where I should focus my energy – and on whom. In running these thoughts through my head, I realized I needed to speak on something.

I recently got verbally assaulted by one of my family members who was angry at me for sharing an opinion on Facebook. After a heated, but tactful conversation, this person launched a decade-long  furious stream of consciousness, attacking my character as a gay person and as an independent. They unleashed a tirade that for the most part, had very little to do with ME and things that I’ve done. To round it off, they attacked all of the progress that I have made over the years, in order to be my own person and to resist turning out the way I could have with the odds I had stacked against me.

I didn’t feel like the messaged dignified a response, because of something that was perfectly reinforced by that quote I posted:

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will”

It might seem extreme, or rash – but instead of continuing the argument and giving this person the benefit of the doubt, I instead chose to ignore them. I’m not going to subscribe to the notion that family ties are so strong, that they excuse people from acting like rational, respectful and loving human beings. When you get right down to it – people that insist on bringing that type of negativity into the world – they don’t matter to me. Especially people who use lies to break down people that they should really have love for.

I’m so proud of all I’ve accomplished, without any handouts. I got myself through college and I was able to move to a city I love and build a life that I can be proud of in my old age. Sure, I’ll be paying off my college loans until I’m old and gray, but I’m proud of that.

I’m even prouder of the people I have surrounded myself with. My friends are incredible, accepting, encouraging and they are care about me in a way that transcends the bounds of normal friendships. My family is so supportive of me and all my ambitions, thoughts and action – regardless of whether or not they agree with them. And then the person I’m most of proud of in my life, my mother – who is a beacon of light for me. Instances like the one described above, make me so thankful I have a mother like her. Someone who at their core, is truly kind and has given her everything to ensure the well-being of her children.

My mother, my hero – for teaching me that I get to choose who matters to me in this life.

B.

Rant/Revel

I had an amazing time with Jared, Sonia, Waleed and JoJo last weekend. We spent the entire weekend just wandering around and talking – reminiscing about college. These are the people I feel the most comfortable being myself around. People who I know genuinely care about me, are inquisitive about my thoughts and growth. Friends who will listen with open ears and hearts to anything I say or feel, no matter how neurotic I get. Time spent with these kids is therapy to me. Here’s a photo that describes our relationship perfectly:

There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.