Putting the “Chocolate” in White Chocolate
Brad bounced around to several Midwest and Northeast states growing up, which partially accounts for his spastic personality, charmingly neurotic demeanor and his cultural promiscuity. To escape small town America and experience the world, Brad fled the sticks of upstate New York and made his way to Washington DC. When he’s not on the 9-5 grind at the American Psychological Association’s division SPSSI, he’s high-kickin, twerkin and dropping it low with his dance team Capital Funk. If you’re looking to spot Brad out on the town – you’ll typically find him at Camelot on Sundays, Stadium on Mondays and dancing for change outside the Verizon center every other night of the week.
(Photo by Jimmy Page)
What’s on your nightstand?
I don’t have one because I live in a shoebox.
What’s in your nightstand drawer?
The only thing that qualifies as my night-stand is my sock drawer. It holds various types of socks.
What are your television favorites?
Parks and Recreation, Walking Dead, Girls, Army Wives. (one of these is a joke)
What was your favorite cartoon when you were a kid?
I was never a kid. But I remember being obsessed with Xena in the 90’s. Does that count?
What superhero would you be?
Night-Crawler. He can teleport, which would save me the trouble of having to fly coach.
Who’s your greatest influence?
The people who have influenced me the most in my life are my friends. They’ve open my eyes to things I never would’ve seen without them – and they’ve been key players in helping me become the hot fucking mess I am today.
What’s your greatest fear?
Unreasonable Fear: Being in the Lincoln tunnel when a tidal wave hits NYC.
Reasonable Fear: Aging. I know it sounds terrible – but I’m a person who thinks about getting old and losing control. Bowel control. I’m also terrified of Steven Hawking.
Pick three people, living or dead, who you think would make the most fascinating dinner guests imaginable.
I’d have the best time with Amy Poehler, Tina Fey and Kristen Wiig.
What would you serve?
An open bar.
How would you describe your dream guy?
Outstandingly hilarious. Unknowingly adorable. Inadvertently kind. Hung like a mule.
Define good in bed.
It should be good for different reasons, every single time. Not monotonous – not just for the sake of boning. Sometimes it should be passionate and out-of-body, sometimes ravenous and animalistic and then other times … by yourself.
Who should star in a movie about your life?
Sally Field. She doesn’t resemble me, but that bitch knows how to commit to a character.
Who was your first celebrity crush?
Robert Ri’chard from Cousin Skeeter on Nickelodeon. Josh Server from All That.
Who gets on your nerves?
Myself. Closeted Homophobes. Drunk sorority girls in Georgetown. The right.
If your home was burning, what’s the first thing you’d grab while leaving?
It’s a toss up – either my dog, or my book of quotes. The quote book can’t keep my junk warm at night, though.
What’s your biggest turn-on?
Wit. Dark features.
What’s your biggest turn-off?
Gross hands and feet. Keep it cute, boys.
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet tried?
Spend several weeks in an Ashram in Nepal.
What’s something you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
Dating an asexual man. Going to a tanning bed. Pretending to be straight.
Boxers, briefs or other?
Mostly boxer briefs, but I’ve bought a couple pairs of briefs recently. They look good but they feel like sterility.
Who’s your favorite musical artist?
The one artist I’ve been listening to since I was a tiny tot is Janet Jackson. She also inspired my passion for dance.
Honorable mentions: Jay Brannan, Mika, Lauryn Hill
What’s your favorite website?
What’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?
In the butt.
What position do you play in the big baseball game of life?
If I weren’t constantly benched, I’d be playing them all.
What’s your favorite retail store – that you don’t work at?
What’s the most you’ll spend on a haircut?
$60 if it includes champagne and a happy ending.
What about on shoes?
100~200 for customs or limited editions.
What’s your favorite food to splurge with?
I love going to an Indian restaurant and ordering 10 things off the menu. Best vegetarian food ever.
What’s your favorite season?
Winter. It’s romantic and cozy and you can layer. In the summer, everyone is always swampy and dank-smelling.
What kind of animal would you be?
A slow loris. Living in a tree, hanging out all day… being all slow and just enjoying life while my habitat is destroyed by humanity.
What kind of plant would you be?
A weeping willow.
What kind of car would you be?
A hybrid Prius.
What are you most grateful for?
My voracious desire to meet new people, learn new things and experience as much as possible.
My family and friends.
What’s something you want more of?
International travel. Sex. LOVE.
State your life philosophy in 10 words or less.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying”