I am so single.

In light of the Prop 8 and DOMA Supreme Court hearings, I thought it would be fun to post something outrageously gay. So, for this post, I am going to discuss fictional characters from television shows that I would most like to gay marry. This is easier to do than choosing real-life people I know who would  make good husbands. Let’s be honest, if I knew anyone who I thought would make a good hubby – I’d already be sleeping with them. Or they wouldn’t be interested in me at all. Such is life.

These characters aren’t even all gay. Which makes this post even more pathetic. I might go out and buy some cats after I finish.

SO, here they are – ordered by preference.

#5  Glenn Rhee, The Walking Dead
Steven Yeun
Glenn plays an introverted good-guy turned confident bad ass on The Walking Dead. He cares for his girlfriend Maggie with understanding and a fiercely unwavering protection. He’s not afraid to stab bitches right in the face, but he’s also a traditional romantic at heart. He even steals a wedding ring off a zombie lady’s finger to give to Maggie, not only as an illustration of  his dedication – but also as a nod to times when things were normal and romance and chivalry mattered. Bottom line is, I want someone who is traditional and treats me like a princess, but is also bold enough to decapitate anyone who tries to eat my face.

#4 David Sawyer, The New Normal
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David plays one-half of the ultimate power gay couple. He’s the classic “I’m completely and totally straight accept for the fact that I really dig wiener” kind of  guy and I find that to be (shamefully) attractive. He’s a little rough around the edges. The kind of guy who is totally ready to wine and dine you after an evening of football, beer drinking and ball-scratching. But he’s a gentleman. He puts his partner’s needs before his own and always makes sure that he fees like this great big world is lucky to have him. That’s the guy I want to come home to every night.

#3  Scotty Wandell, Brothers and Sisters
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Okay, I know this show has been off the air for a few years, but this character will always be one of my favorites. Scotty Wandell, the eventual husband of main-character Kevin Walker, starts out as an overly-confident and flamboyant borderline twink. But through the seasons he evolves into an incredibly mature, thoughtful and steadfast partner. He and Kevin endure some pretty intense things (both realistic and not) and his actions and decisions are always overcome by his kindness and loving nature.  This character is entirely brought to life by actor Luke MacFarlane, who’s adorable smirks, hopelessly romantic eyes and striking presence make you wish for a boyfriend even half as perfect as he. And by “you”,  I mean me. I wish for that.

#2 Daryl Dixon – The Walking Dead
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This pick, paired with #5, kind of make me think that I’m not going to find a man unless the world is destroyed and overrun with flesh eating zombies. I have a crush on Daryl Dixon for the same reasons every other fan of the show does – genuine goodness masked by mystery, sweat and a strangely sexy lesbian haircut. It’s also attractive that he’s said “fuck you” to his redneck roots and decided to be a better person. I feel like Daryl would be strong, loyal and protective as a boyfriend- but would also totally be into slapping you around in the bedroom. #hugeplus #prisonsex #darylDICKson

#1 Ben Wyatt, Parks and Recreation
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Anyone that knows me, knows that I am essentially the same person as Leslie Knope (Minus the breasts, pant-suits and comedic timing). My idea of a perfect guy is one who supports my every insane notion and decision, but still keeps me grounded. A guy who will make sacrifices for me, without sacrificing himself. A guy who pretends to love a miniature horse as much I do. A guy who punches any jerk who calls me a bitch. A guy who waltzes around the apartment in his “Letters to Cleo” t-shirt, experimenting with different types of low-cal calzones and creating Avatar-adjacent claymation projects. Ben Wyatt is the perfect man. And one day, he will be mine:

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